"I've Grown Accustomed to His Face"
First Aired 12/17/99
Michael: Oh, no, I'm having a nightmare about that mad scientist Don Cornelius.
Dr. Theo: (singing) Ooh-ooh, child, things will get
brighter. Someday now, we'll put it together and we'll get it all
done. Someday, when your head is much lighter.
Michael: Lighter? My head's removable!
Michael: I'm dying from the monotony, doc. Every morning, it's the same thing. 6:00 a.m., the shutters open, the sun comes in you serenade me and then you feed me gruel and you exercise me till it's afternoon. And then it's some kind of vegetable swill for lunch more exercise dinner and bed. Every day. Day in, day out. Haven't you heard? Variety is the spice of life. Wake me up at 7:17 some time. Go wild. Put some raisins in my bran, Bosco in my milk. I need a change, Doc.
Dr. Theo: Tomorrow, we're going on a trip to the mountains.
Michael: A trip to the mountains?
Dr. Theo: For survival training.
Michael: Survival training?
Dr. Theo: Sure. You're going to love it. We drop you from a plane smack in the middle of the Adirondacks without food, water or a compass and see if you can find your way back to civilization.
Michael: Boy, you do know fun.
Michael: Forgive me for telling you something you already know
but I think it bears reiterating: I'm not bulletproof.
Dr. Theo: Really? You sure?
(Dr. Theo aims and shoots a gun at Michael, who screams, but the bullets turn out to be paint)
Dr. Theo: My God! You survived. And that was the really tough weather-duty paint.
Heather: Mom, my 35-year-old ex-convict boyfriend is here to take me away but he wanted to meet you before we take off for the state line. Would that be okay?
Heather: But it's an award show, Mom. You can't watch it
alone. You need somebody to mock the proceedings with.
Lisa: I know, I know, I know, but my test is tomorrow night.
Heather: Relax. How hard could it be? I mean, Jenny's Mom, she passed her real estate test on the first try and she thinks Wheel of Fortune is educational television.
Isley: My people are prepared to pay $1 million if you can
facilitate a meeting between us and the gentleman in question.
Roger: But the gentleman in question is dead.
Michael: I'd like to report a missing person.
Michael: The missing man's name is Dr. Theodore Morris.
Policeman: And you are...?
Michael: Look, I've already tried calling this in and you people keep getting hung up on who I am instead of who the missing person is. I'm not missing. Dr.Theodore Morris is and he's a very important guy.
Policeman: A very important guy.
Michael: Very. He works for the government doing top-secret work. I don't know who you call to check those things out but I'm sure you do, and you should call and check. Dr. Theodore Morris is missing, and it's bad.
Policeman: This Dr. Morris -- he wouldn't be your doctor, would he?
Policeman: Well, you're a very popular guy and from what I
hear, very special.
Michael: It's nothing really. Just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Lisa: I don't know what you're talking about. My husband sold
insurance. He had nothing to do with the government. He voted, he
paid taxes, that's it. We're just regular people. I have a little
girl. I'm supposed to take my realtor's test in three hours.
Winter's coming, so tomorrow I have to rummage through the
basement and find the snow tires and I don't know what a snow
tire looks like. That's it. That's who I am.
Roger: And I'm even less.
Lisa: And what's with the space suits?
Isley: We were led to believe Mr. Wiseman might be biologically volatile. That he might carry some disease or pestilence.
Roger: Once and for all -- Mr. Wiseman isn't carrying much of anything these days and, if he were, trust me, that woman would be dead. She's kissed him.
Lisa: Actually, Uncle Roger helped me get ready.
Heather: Uncle Roger? I didn't think he could help anybody with anything.
Lisa: Oh, yeah. Actually, he can be quite helpful. When he has to be.
Quotes from "Fire and Ice" »