Episode 13: "I am the Greatest"
First Aired 1/28/00

Michael: You're really an evil man.
Dr. Theo: You're making me blush.

Lisa: I'm going to give you my work number. Now don't lose it.
Heather: Do you want me to pin it to my shirt? Mom, it's your first day at work -- not my first day at school.

Heather: I think you've had enough coffee.

Dr. Theo: Before we even contemplate the next step in our plan Washington has to be certain that Maceo T. Jones and PFC Timothy Foster are, in fact, one and the same.
Michael: And how do we do that? Pull his shorts down and check his underwear for a name tag?

Dr. Theo: I need DNA, Mr. Wiseman. Hair, blood, saliva… urine. That's where you come in.
Michael: Tell me you don't have your heart set on the urine-sample thing.

Lisa: I lost my husband last year in an accident.
Janet: I'm sorry. I lost my husband to a female golf pro.

Maceo: Didn't I see you in a Banana Republic ad?

Heather: So, how many houses did you sell today?
Lisa: Oh, that would be... none.
Heather: Whoops.
Lisa: Oh, no, no. No. No. No, no, there's no "whoops" involved. There's no "whoops" here. I didn't sell any houses because I didn't get my business cards yet. I don't get my business cards until tomorrow. (Beat) And because nobody came in to see me. So, I didn't have to get in my car and show anybody a house. So that I could sell someone the house. There you have it, honey. It's all perfectly normal... perfectly natural... Just what you'd expect on your first day of when you are starting a new career. (Beat) Could you write me a note so that I don't have to go in tomorrow?

Michael: You worried I'm going to leave you for him? I'll be honest -- it crossed my mind when they brought the hush puppies.
Dr. Theo: "Hush puppies"?
Michael: Oh, come on, Doc. I only ate what I absolutely had to so as not to give myself away and, then, only to protect democracy and the American way of life.

Michael: I'm just a cog in the wheel. An ant in the colony. And if you tell me you need me to keep hanging out with this guy -- sparring with him, training with him and, yes, even eating with him -- well, a government experiment's got to do what a government experiment's got to do.

Client: What are you doing for dinner tomorrow night?
Lisa: "Dinner"? I'm sorry, did we skip something? Was I not paying attention somewhere?

Dr. Theo: You're supposed to be the greatest living fighting machine in the world. What happened?
Michael: I'm thinking maybe the second greatest living fighting machine in the world sucker-punched me, Doc. I guess I'm not going to be doing any banana republic ads for a while.


Quotes from "Film at Eleven"