Episode 4: "One for the Money"
First Aired 10/15/99

Michael: Where's that subway train when you need it?

Heather: Mom, this is not funny. This is an adolescent rite of passage you're screwing around with here.
Lisa: Don't threaten me with adult-onset mental illness this early in the morning, darling. I'm not ready.

Dr. Theo: That's the brain I know and love.

Dr. Theo: I don't really expect you to do it. We know he was your friend. Think of it as a training mission for the kid.
Michael: Am I "the kid"? I don't mean to seem dense, but am I "the kid"?
Murphy: He's a virgin.
Michael: Again, I know I'm interrupting the flow, but am I the "virgin"?

(In a Dream Squence)
Lisa: Don't take this the wrong way but I think I liked it better when you stayed dead.

(In a Dream Sequence)
Lisa: Shhh! Heather's coming. I don't want her to know her father commits mortal sins for a living.
Michael: It's not my living; it's what I do to live.

(In a Dream Sequence)
Heather: Daddy, the kids at school are saying you kill people for a living.
Michael: They're wrong, Heather. I haven't actually killed anybody. Not yet.
Heather: Well, if you do kill somebody, could you come into school and talk about it on career day?

Lisa: No matter what I do to the margins there's no font big enough to make up for the fact that my life only fills a third of a page.
Heather: Is that bad?
Lisa: No, not really. Not if you're nine.

(In a Dream Sequence)
Heather: Hi, Daddy! I just wanted to let you know that speech you made on career day -- that was the best! And bringing in that dead guy as a visual aid? That was classic!

Michael: Reveille. Come on out. We have to kill somebody in cold blood.

Michael: How're you doing?
Murphy: To be honest with you, I'm a little stiff.
Michael: Ah, killer humor.

Quotes from "The Insurance Man Always Rings Twice" »