Episode 9:
"By the Light of the Moon"
First Aired 11/26/99
Dr. Theo: They think my work as a scientist has been most
impressive. They think the actual manufacturing process has been
a huge success, but they're convinced my work as a… I don't
know --
Michael: Authority figure? Grand Pooh-Bah? Chief Overlord?
Dr. Theo: Breeder of warriors has been less than successful.
Dr. Theo: And, frankly, after all our many months of training
you're really not much of a warrior.
Michael: Really? I don't know. It's still early in the semester.
We haven't even gotten to "rape and pillage" yet.
There's still the final in "loot and burn." (Beat)
You're going to grade on a curve, aren't you?
Dr. Theo: Again, the feeling from on high is that this is not
working and it's my fault.
Michael: All right, you win. No more scratching, no more kicking
no more calling the other guy's mother bad names. From now on, I
fight by the book.
Dr. Theo: Mr. Wiseman, I have made my peace with the decisions
of those above me and whatever you have or have not done in the
past is irrelevant at this point. What is important is that from
this moment forward we concentrate on our work and that we show
our visiting colleague all the respect to which he's entitled.
I've been instructed to show Dr. Taylor every courtesy and accord
him the deference I would a superior officer and I expect you to
do the same.
Michael: Fine. Sure. I know. But remember how you used to break
out in song every once in a while?
Dr. Taylor: Dr. Morris, I presume. I'm Dr. Taylor. (Beat) So,
is it the girl thing, the young thing or some other thing?
Dr. Theo: You're Dr. Taylor.
Dr. Taylor: Yes.
Dr. Theo: From Washington.
Dr. Taylor: Is there a problem?
Dr. Theo: I'm sorry. Would you excuse me a moment? (into the
phone) Get me the Pentagon.
Michael: What's the deal? There's something hanging from the
end of my nose, right?
Dr. Taylor: You are truly unbelievable.
Michael: Well, thank you. I've always found myself kind of
remarkable. You know, I've known me all my life and I, for one,
can barely tear myself away from me. Hell, I'm damn near
inseparable.
Dr. Taylor: I'm sorry. It's just that where I work you're all we
talk about. It's like being an art student and finally being able
to see the Mona Lisa.
Michael: Hey, you're a friend. Call me Mona.
Misenbach: That's my lucky pencil. Used it to take the bar the
second time.
Lisa: It is very sweet.
Misenbach: Yeah, just ignore the teeth marks.
Misenbach: No, it's okay. I have a boy about her age. Of
course, I only get to see him on the weekends now. Which is good,
because it's forced both of us to become emotionally more
efficient. I have to compact all of my guilt into two days worth
of overindulgence and he's forced to jam all of his anger into 48
hours worth of bad language and disrespect.
Lisa: It sounds delightful.
Misenbach: I hear it's a phase which ends when you die. All of
which is just my roundabout way of telling you that I am
completely free during the week.
Michael: I noticed you're not wearing a wedding ring. Let me
give you a little hint. This kind of behavior can turn a lot of
guys off.
Dr. Taylor: Very funny. Is the sense of humor yours or did we put
that in?
Michael: Original equipment, thank you very much.
Michael: I do have a family, you know.
Dr. Taylor: Yeah, I heard. I mean, I read about them in your
file. They can't keep you company. They're not here with you.
Michael: Uh, sometimes I pick a year-- any year-- and I try to
make my way through it. Where were we on New Year's. Valentine's
Day. My daughter's birthday. Wedding anniversary. Lisa's
birthday. My birthday. What grade was my little girl in. What was
her teacher's name.
Dr. Taylor: You hold all of that in your head?
Michael: I try. I damn sure try.
Heather: I mean, a bicycle tire has more edge.
Lisa: Edge? Edge? What, is that the new criteria? Edge? Whatever
happened to nice?
Heather: Nice? You're kidding, right?
Lisa: No. Nice is… nice. And getting harder to come by, I
might add. Look, I know from where you sit edge is thrilling and
exciting and whatever. But the older you get, the more you
realize that life is full of edge. The discount stores are
bursting with edge. But nice, they're always sold out of and if
they have it, it's never in your size.
Heather: So, is that why you keep on throwing the pygmy lawyer
back in the remainder bin?
Dr. Theo: 6:00-- quitting time.
Michael: Oh, good.
Dr. Taylor: Good work today.
Michael: Oh, good.
Dr. Theo: I thought about what you said yesterday and I changed
my mind and made that call. You know what I'm talking about,
right? About making that change?
Michael: Oh, good.
Dr. Theo: I knew you'd feel that way. I'm going to go wait in the
kitchen.
Dr. Taylor: I can't stand to see you caged this way.
Michael: Oh, good.
Dr. Taylor: Here's the key to the door and the code to the alarm.
I've rigged the security system so that at 8:00 you're safe to
leave.
Michael: Oh, good.
Dr. Taylor: I was hoping you'd feel that way. Meet me on the
corner of 65th and Fifth. I'll be waiting.
Dr. Theo: Mr. Wiseman your dinner's ready.
Michael: Oh, good.
Misenbach: Can I say one thing to you?
Lisa: Anything.
Misenbach: You're wrong. And I don't care. We are great together
and I am perfectly happy to wait until you catch up with me with
regard to this particular line of thinking.
Lisa: Wow.
Misenbach: "Wow," yeah. I like that better than
"nice."
Dr. Theo: Good evening.
Dr. Taylor: Good evening.
Dr. Theo: Well, what can you do? I was never sure it would work.
Dr. Taylor: You're not going to tell him.
Dr. Theo: No. What would be the point? He loves her. Whether I
like it or not whether it's convenient for me or not the man
loves his wife. It's not your fault, Lieutenant. You did a fine
job.
Dr. Taylor: Thank you, sir.
Dr. Theo: You really were quite convincing.
Dr. Taylor: It wasn't hard.